Tween-age wasteland

‘Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience’
Director: Bruce Hendricks
Rating: G

If the last 30 years have taught us anything, it’s that we are a nation of imbeciles who probably deserve everything that’s coming to us.

Need proof?

Consider the Jonas Brothers.

Only in America could three boys so unattractive, so untalented and so f—ing smug be the object of visceral, root-felt desire from every girl ages 8-15.

This, of course, is nothing new.

For decades our tweens have pined desperately for the worst of performers, from David Cassidy to Jordan Knight to Nick Carter. Parents sick of the Jonases and childless grown-ups perplexed by their ubiquity can take comfort in the notion that the brothers will someday pass into the same “where-are-they-now?” status as their forebears. (Though people also said that about Justin Timberlake. …)

But for the moment, here they are — and here, too, is their inevitable concert movie. Titled “Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience,” the film is a collection of crane shots taken at a Madison Square Garden show interspersed with “real-life” snippets of little girls losing their minds and the band members being kind of douchey about it.

While it was never in danger of being mistaken for “The Last Waltz,” “JB3D” somehow seems less ambitious than one would even expect, making no significant use of the 3-D technology.

The kindest thing that can be said for it is that it’s competently made.

Of course, the Hindenburg was also competently made, and it killed 36 people.
Makes you wonder.

Daniel Holloway